Truths Unlearnt

There comes a time when we loose our fear, when that so familiar crippling sensation in our stomachs no longer bothers us. When no matter how hard our hearts beat our resolve is louder. There comes a time when the things we thought too big too important loose their hold and we get back to the basics. I have been so scared for so long I forgot who I am. The fear of not being able to secure a job, to take care of myself, the fear of having to go back home to an ailing father and an aging mother with no solutions for this unforgiving world, the fear of a ticking clock on my so precious woman prime years as they said, the fear of never counting, the fear of one day dying alone inconsequentially. And so I gave up my voice hoping it was enough oblation, I conformed to their ideologies even though they left a bitter taste in my mouth, made to believe I was lucky for the crumbs i was getting all while being pushed into the ground and my mouth filled with sand. Church became a chore though once my solace and eventually the words being read from the holy book sounded strange mostly because of the lips reading them. There comes a time when hunger doesn’t kill you but pushes you to hunt, when you loose a great love and appreciate those left more fervently, when your dreams become too small and you demand more . There comes a time when you realize you fought and yes it cost you your innocence, your sobriety your very essense but you survived, you survived and you are free of those labels. Funny right? that thats all they ever were: labels, all this things so big, so confusing, so infuriating that death at some point was preferable they were just labels and you realise you are happy. You have the affection of your family, the adoration of the children around you, the devotion of that young man whose whole world rests in your eyes and the respect of those you stood for . There comes a time when fear looses its hold.